I have to tell her…

I posted this on fanfic.net (https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12506749/1/I-have-to-tell-her) originally but I wanted to put it on here as my other story site. Hope anyone who reads these like it!

Sammie xxx

I had an original idea but it had no conversation the story was very much expositional. I was advised to add some conversation and try to follow some sort of “proper story” within the piece. At this point I have to thank my two beta readers, my sister (also a Oncer) and my friend (not a Oncer but good at English). It’s set after the season 6 finale but this isn’t really referenced, it just makes sense it’s part of their happy ending. So, this is where the idea came from originally and the I have the edited story with the conversation added in but I wanted to show both parts not showing the editing process but because I am quite proud of both parts and its some of the best writing I have done in awhile. I also wanted to show the original story so it makes more sense where the later part comes from. So without further ado, the story:

How has all this changed in such a short amount of time? Most people will say that 6 years is a long time but in comparison to the 28 years, I spent alone, jumping from house to house, family to family, without ever counting it as my house or my family. 7 years of continuity, of belonging to someone and something special, something more magical that any of the films or books I feasted on in a vain attempt at escape, in those years where everything felt dull, set in stone, a monotonous beat leading one day into the next.

The only sparkle was that year with Neal. I was still young, a teenager, a child really, but I had always had light fingers and such an innocent face no one ever looked my way twice and I think that mistaken innocence is what called out to him. As we got to know each other it became more and as our relationship changed and grew we grew with it but in the end, I think my desperate urge, my need to fit in took over. I had to do anything to keep his attention to make him proud of me, that’s why I was willing to get those watches, that’s why we never found Tallahassee. I still regret my choices that day but I will never regret the consequences of our actions together. Together we made the world turn, joy thundering through our veins, flowing into each other with each loving give and take of the other’s body. Together we made life, new life: new meanings, new stories and most importantly new happy endings, new hope. He built me up so high if only I knew then that he would knock me so low, leave me with nothing but this chance, a chance I let slip through my fingers due to naivety and real innocence. I tried to shut it out, to shut the world out after that and to a degree I succeeded. Until he turned up on my doorstep. Until he brought my mundane existence crashing down around my ankles. Until he took those broken pieces of the half-life I built for myself and made them into something new. A family, a home, a job, a group of friends, a country, a fight for good, a guy even. My family, my home, my job, my friends, my fight, my man: my husband. That last one is one of the weirdest. After everything that happened. After years of being alone. Suddenly, I have this man, a pirate no less or even weirder, Captain Hook, flirting with me. You told me a pirate was flirting with 10 years ago I would have laughed, for a very long time. He implied he was falling for me very early on but I took my time hesitant after all the times I had been built up just to be let down in my life before. But he won me over, with his smiles, with his flirts, with his kisses, his massive gestures, his respect, his love, his support, until I was his and he was mine entirely.

People say you remember your wedding day as the happiest moment for the rest of your lives. I want to believe that is true but recent events will always try to eclipse it. The day little Neal spoke for the first time (“ru-ru”) which Mum tried desperately, her eyes shining with joy, to tell us is him talking to his favourite toy, a little kangaroo, and we excepted and celebrate whilst silencing Henry with “the look”, stopping him saying what Killian and I, privately, agreed with, that it was probably after Ruby, he had always liked her, his hands wrapping into her the long curls of her hair every time she came close. He would have liked his mother’s hair if we had been brought up in the Enchanted Forest.

But the day even better than that was the day Megan was born. Megan Hope Swan- Jones. Our beautiful, blue-eyed wonder. Princess Megan of Misthaven’s birth was nothing spectacular. Killian and I were prepared so when I felt my waters go we left for the hospital. Her arrival was nothing big. And something so big all mixed into one. I clung desperately to Killian’s hand on one side and my mother’s on the other. And when the time came I rode the pain out through my hands and screams, I pushed and waited and pushed until suddenly everything loosened, the pain lessened somewhat and there was a surprised whimper. A tiny little mewl. And then there she was. My little girl. In my arms, staring up at me and Killian with the same swirling deep blue eyes that she shared with her daddy. Breathing us in as much as we were taking every beautiful inch of her in. I looked up at Killian and his bright blue eyes feed into me as I whispered, “we made her” and he responded, “Aye, love, we did”. Life never felt better than it did in that moment.

“This has to stop. I’m sorry but I can’t let you keep this up.”


Killian drew up short stopping his mother-in-law in her tracks.

“I don’t know if you can see what you’re doing but it’s hurting Emma. Letting her be lead on into believing you let another child grow up without you there. Yes, you’re there more than you could be with Emma but our friends around town are not a babysitting service. Neal sees more of Grannie and Ruby than he does of his own sister, his nephew. She won’t admit it but believe me she can see what you’re doing to that child. I know you would never hurt either of your children on purpose. I know how much he meant to you, your deepest secret back in Neverland all that time to you but the fact that you always seem to value Emma more than your son.” His tone softened. “It affects her more than you realise to be the one always chosen because she knows how it feels to be the odd one out, the lost child, we both do if I’m honest. She loves her brother and she wants you to let him have a chance to grow up without some of the pain, you unintentionally, I know, but the pain you unavoidably put her through. You were protecting her but Neal is safe, there is no threat, you can be with him all you want. I don’t want to be mean or blunt, your highness, I just care about her, and you, all of you.”

“I know, Killian, maybe your right. Maybe Emma draws more focus than Neal but she is older. She had her fight and he, he just lies around all day, in a crib or on his belly when he’s at home. He can be cute, I love him so much, he can be so adorable and perfect but with everything that happens in Storybrooke in the way it does, he, he wouldn’t be safe doing much more than sleeping and being cute. I’m trying to keep him safe. I know you can see I’m trying to keep them both safe. I love both my children, my daughter AND my son so much.” Her tone flustered and disturbed by his warm look for comfort and (what was that?) almost understanding, she started to walk away, breathing deeply clearly flustered by the look in Captain Hook’s eyes. She stuck by what she said in the enchanted forest, there had been a wedding, it would take some getting used to, a long time. “I don’t have to take this. One day, you might have kids one day you will understand, come back when you do. I will explain it better then. You might follow it.

His response was so quiet she almost missed it “It won’t be long before this comes up again then.” His face showed he instantly regretted saying that out loud. It was clearly something he wasn’t meant to be sharing, something that had left his mouth in the heat of the moment.

“W-what?” Snow muttered stopping, a look of confusion spreading over what he could see of her face.

“Nothing. Just thinking out loud. You know, wish full thinking.” She didn’t believe him for a second and barely hesitated before asking.

“You want a child, Killian? Are you and Emma planning children? Are you ready?”

His response came fast and certain. “Yes, yes in a manner of speaking and I hope so because we’ve got no choice!”


“You heard. But don’t tell her I said anything. I want to explain how all this happened first or she’ll kill me.”

“Emma, my Emma, my baby girl, is going to have a child. And so are you, congratulations, Killian”

“Thank you. We were wondering how to tell you I must say this makes it easier. And Emma has already had a child so it’s not a new thing. Well, it is. I suppose it’s a whole new person but it’s not like she’s never done it before. I suppose she’s never done it with support before. Maybe that will make it easier for her, I mean, I will never leave her, I will always be there for her. My love, my wife, the mother of my little one. I will always be there for her and her family, for Henry, for you and David, for Neal, for my little one, the one I helped create. Bloody hell. I helped create a person. And an actual person, who will be depending on us to keep it alive. What am I going to do, Snow? What are me and Emma going to do? I did only have one problem a few seconds ago, now I have so many but for now, I have the bigger problem.”


“I have to tell her I told you. Don’t say anything to her or anyone else until I do. Or I will be shot and she will be alone for it again.”

“I promise. A child is a miracle, Killian, count yourself lucky. As for all that other stuff, they are all the usual worries. David was worse than that during my pregnancy with both of our children. You and Emma still have plenty of time to work things out for you personally and you know you both have so much support… I still can’t believe this.” She pulled him into a hug before bidding him goodbye and walking off into the night with a massive grin on her face she was going to find it hard to hide from David later.

That was not how he had expected the conversation to go. Not only had he failed to make her see his point of view about Neal and brought the conversation and focus back to Emma again without meaning to, he had also let slip their secret. The surprise they had been waiting for the right moment to tell together. To tell everyone together. “Now” he, thought as he walked in the direction of the house he shared with his wife and son-in-law. “Now I have to tell her.” He braced himself for what could be a long evening.

Reviews? xx



I got bored on a bus on the 1st November and as the bus creeped through the slowly raising darkness of the beautiful early morning, I suddenly was the witness to the most gorgeous sunrise across frosty fields of the cliff villages and the fields and hills beyond of Lincolnshire. It was so enjoyable just to build a story or possibly its just a description from the sight that made me so happy. I hope you enjoy this!

Samm xxx

Frost. Proper frost. Blanketing all the fields. Its the first time I’ve seen it this winter. I love mornings like this, where the sun is a fully ripened orange, made of blood and fire tendrils rising to thaw a kingdom raised in the night by a contemptuous and cruel ruler.

I love the light shining through arms, draped in hundreds of glimmering jewels that once covered them in there hundred of thousands, but now have pulled loose leave massive holes in the beautiful shawl that once was the covering over nearly every inch of  his many followers . Those followers who surround the land standing tall and powerful and beautiful, so brave, not in fighting but in standing witness to their guides power and beauty for themselves.

He continues to stretch himself slowly losing fire and blood in his eyes til he can raise himself and spread his warmth and power to all. Spreading and spreading for as long as his orbal ghost of a sister permits until slowly even he gives to await the dark cruelty of his mysterious brother of the dark, flanked by his cold and vengeful minions of chaos, to descend from an icy palace of harsh beauty.

Up means down

So the other day I got to where my college is and it was thundering it down with rain. Like soak you to the skin in an instant rain. Like potentially ruin 3 months work in 2 minutes rain. Usually in a morning I wait for my boyfriend’s train so we can walk up to college together. I don’t like waiting around in the station and there was an incident with a body anyway (I’m..I don’t..I can’t say anymore. Look it up as I don’t know what to say). So it’s pouring down with rain I have 35 mins to kill and a portfolio to carry, what do I do?  I decided I would go round the corner to Costa. I mean,  I have hardly any money but all the same, its warm, dry and, at 8.32 in the morning, quiet. So that, sat in Costa on a Wednesday morning, watching the rain pour down the window with a Carmel Latte, that is where this piece came into existence. (Also Carmel Latte is the only coffee worth drinking and Costa is the best undoubtedly). Hope you enjoy it!

Samm xxx

“Someday I’ll wish apon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me”

I have a problem with Happy. I have no idea what the problem is but as soon as he creeps into mind I shudder. It’s been so long since I found his arms wrapping around me, confident he can keep me safe no matter what. Sad took over a while ago. Weirdly I wasn’t perfectly happy with Happy in fact he could make me rather sad. I couldn’t join in with his happy because I couldn’t be as happy as he. He had weird thing to make him happy but Happy had thing that made him happy that would make other sad. It’s a strange world we live in. Sad was a relief, at first, he made me happy because he was happy but not in Happy happy. But now Sad makes me sad but Happy still make me sad too. I suppose I must have a problem with Happy and Sad which also creates a problem with happy and sad. Do you seem my problem yet? Maybe I should date normal people but then what is more normal than Happy and Sad? Normal will be one for another day, a more normal day to explain Normal.



My name is Samm. I am (near enough) a born and raised yellow-bellie (I was born in Nottingham but I was in Lincolnshire within a day of that) and still live on the same road I came home to when I was born, just 11 houses further down! It’s a long story mine so I wont bother you with the details. I’m 18 (nearly) and I love reading and writing. I am a big YA Fiction person and I love dystopia and apocalypse but I like a good bit of fantasy, action, adventure and romance too (and yes that’s a way of saying: I’m a Hunger Games and Divergent person and proud!!!) This is the outlet for that love! I am a big fan of finding or creating new characters, worlds and life styles. I like challenging perspective (if I can and I hope I can or at least keep you interested) or having my perception challenged. When I’m not writing, reading or living in a world of my own I am a Stage Management and Technical Theatre student (SM and Lighting design bias if you care). I hope you enjoy my stories. Have fun!

Sammie-Samm xxx

Untitled Short Story

New Short Story!!!! Yay!!! It’s not perfect or anywhere near finished but I thought I would post the progress. Tell me what you think!



Samm   xxx



You know that old saying:


“Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Sugar is sweet

And so are you”


I woke up with that in my head this morning. Of course I did. It’s what I wrote in the cards I wrote to my two best friends and my boyfriend when they came round selling those handmade only slightly adorable but more than slightly shitty things at school. I added a bit more to Ab’s about running like the wind (that nearly constantly knock the skinny bitch over) because she’ll make it someday if she just hopes and works hard on it. I added about leaving the past behind looking forward to the new stuff to Sadie’s because she just broke up with her boyfriend. What I added Geney’s (his young parents were obsessed with Disney when he was born. Even they admit calling their son Eugene was going a bit far. Anyway.) what I added to his card will die with us but it was amazing and so fun to write even if it gave me the giggles so badly that Mrs Lawren stared at me over her desk. What me and Geney have is special. I can say anything to him and he’ll listen and laugh or cry, sigh, whatever else is needed. He always knows exactly what to say to make me feel better and to make me feel special, perfect and wanted even when I feel the most down, something I kind of need. I love Geney so much it incredible and it hurts. I can hardly believe we’ve been together since year 8 and it’s now year 11 but we had been friends since year 2. I didn’t used to like him I was a bit of a bitch when I was younger but as we grew up I fell for him (and he fell for me) in the way only best friends can, completely and entirely like magic. I can’t imagine any different anymore, you know not loving him now as much and as strongly as I do. It would be too weird. He means everything to me.

*                      *                           *

I hate February 14th usually. It’s an excuse to make people spend large amounts on you unnecessarily when words could work just as well. If they love you I’m sure even the most innocent or unimaginative amongst us can come up with ways of show or expressing it than expensive cards, flowers or toys. Or even the tacky things they sell in school (you know the hand made things covered in glitter and the cookies made by the year 10’s and decorated by the special kids). The things that will wilt or be binned (or eaten) and then forgotten. I intend to investigate as many of the different possibilities I can. But first things first: get a boyfriend. Not a nerd. Not a geek. Not a sport type (eww too stereotypical). Not an emo or a Goth. Not an artsy fartsy type. Just a normal boy. I can’t stand the idea of another Valentine’s day being laughed for not having a boyfriend again. It’s alright for some. Mands and Geney have been together forever and even Sade had Luke (though that’s done now thank god) but I’ve never had anyone. I’m must be to fat. Or ugly. Or stupid. No one wants any of those things. I need some who means as much to me as Gene or Luke meant to the others. Why do I not deserves as much as them? What did I ever do?

Fangirl Review

I have been considering recently start to do book reviews on this blog as well as my own stories. I’m have done several in the past. The quality isn’t always great but I suppose how different people review things might effect that. I just review my books in the way I review books. Really I think this blog will be a learning curb for me and so doing reviews will help and my style will probably change over times as I learn what makes a good review and what makes a not as good review but at the moment this is my review layout. I hope they are ok and I hope they are enjoyable after all that is the point.

Samm xx


This particular review is of Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell. This is a book I’ve been meaning to read for a while since Meda over at snugglynookery.wordpress.com suggested it to me. There are spoilers within. I also posted this on my Goodreads page (which I can link anyone who wishes to it). So without further delay a review of Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell:

Stars: 4.5/5

General content:

I fell in love with this book. There are no other word. I started reading it at gone midnight and wasn’t going to read much as I had to get up in the morning, then accidentally read the whole thing overnight. I identify so much with Cath and her fandoms and fanfic obsession. I spent a great part of the later book urging her just to hook up with him like she clearly want to though (which was distracting to be honest).

I also was sad when she didn’t hand over some of her fanfic as her actual coursework in a edited style. I felt oddly proud though when she rejected adding her name to the Nick’s paper (even if it meant hurt a friend as it went unpublished and unacknowledged) because it was his story and character that she had edited and given advice on. That however chimes wrongly as the last two sentence don’t really sit side by side, particularly if you’re Professor Piper who would view it as the coursework as plagiarism, but not the other oddly. She even going as far as saying unless it joint published it wouldn’t be published at all, which is confusing as Cath does say the characters belong to author of the book she’s fangirling over and she’s just borrowing them and changing them making them her own but when there her friends characters and story she has to be acknowledge as co-writer when she isn’t really she’s just a editor, a sense checker, a fan even (a fanfic writer of her friends work if you will). If I get someone to spelling, grammar and general sense check my work I don’t then add their names to that as its my work and I think principle stand here which I do really like.

There is some good character development within this book, however I wish we had spent a little more time with Wren as I got very confused by her at times. She didn’t always make sense or some of her personality wasn’t expressed early enough for you catch on to something that will be important later. There are some very interesting topics that are treated with the respect they deserve if not always with as much deep questioning as other YA books I have read. It also made me laugh so much. I got to a stage where I was shaking with a mixture of laughter and lack of sleep and that was driving me to keep reading a turn the pages.

These are the sorts of books where you keep turning the pages until the end gobbling it up and then go “oh, I ran out of book…”in a mourning, dejected way at the end. When you want so much more but there’s nothing left to get. It’s over, done and you cry because you happy cos it’s adorable and you love it bad sad because there is no more book and you want so much more. I did really truly enjoy this book so much. I would greatly recommend because as a fangirl and a fanfic writer myself I feel it does us justice which sometime is what we need when the whole world views us as mad!

favourite quote(s)?

Oh it has to be: ‘I’m just really active in the fandom.’
‘What the f**ck is a fandom’
‘You wouldn’t understand,’”

Because who reading this cant say they haven’t been asked that question and answer it like that?!

Or it could also possibly be: “But it didn’t break me. Nothing can break me unless I let it.”

Or the other one I consider as a good/favourite was:

“Why do I write?
To be somewhere else
To get free of ourselves
To stop
To stop being anything or anywhere at all
To disappear”

Which I have a feeling is a generic choice of quote from this book but it is a very good one.

Closing comments:

All in all a great book. Highly recommended and will defiantly read again!




Narcissa Planning/thoughts/idea stage (Harry Potter Fanfic)

This still makes me cry every time I read it. I know it’s not the best written thing and doesn’t always make sense (I know its grammar and tenses are out of whack) but I only just found it in a file from about two years ago. I wanted to share it before I edited as I feel this version is still beautiful if far from perfect. There is also a Draco section which is definitely still in editing but will be publish soon (when preliminary edit is finished). That why you can see the original product/thought/ideas/planning and then something near the finished product. Make sense? Hope you enjoy it.

Samm xx

*Disclaimer: All Character, Locations and plot devices belong to and were created by J.K.Rowling. I do not own them.


Bella had always the more domineering sister and she was always in control. Or so it felt ever since they had been children. As much as Cissy was annoyed with Andromeda for marrying the muggle, she had been made to disown Andromeda by Bella, and to some extent her husband, Lucius. That just because she agreed with pure-bIood ways and purity of wizarding kind. Which was important after all. However Andromeda was still her sister even if she has ignored her mere existence for years. After the battle of Hogwarts,in which Bella sadly died, Cissy, Lucius and their son, Draco defected from the death eaters. A few months later after lying a bit lower than usual Cissy realised that she was no longer under the controlling power of Bella and went to visit Andromeda despite her opposing judgement of the muggle, he was now also dead, having died in the lead up to the final battle of Hogwarts because no matter what Andromeda was still her sister and she needed that. She was confused about her feelings for Andromeda still but she still went. Together they talk about everything and anything under the sun. From games they played as kids to the silly stuff the kids had done growing up. Everything they remember and everything the would never have had a chance of knowing. It wasn’t always an easy conversation. It was better than the door in the face Narcissa had originally expected though. Some how she got the picture her sister was only still talking to her calmly and politely was because of Teddy playing around their feet. Narcissa looks at the child loved and cared for. A young boy who would always have someone there for him. No matter what the problem; big or small .How often had she been there for Draco in the past few years? When she leaves to apparate home she realised that she had disowned Andromeda before Draco was born nearly 25 years ago. This meant that Draco had never met his aunt. This was her chance to help him. To help to help someone else. She went home and started to try and convince him to come and meet her next time she went.